Friday, July 13, 2007

On Marriage

First of all, apologies all around for the sad lack of photos. I'm working on it.

Second, I have been pretty quiet about some major situations unfolding around me because, sorry to be so blunt, internet, but it's really none of your business. (I said sorry. The truth does hurt sometimes.) I still choose to say very little, other than to say that marriages are taking a real hit. And that it is painful to walk down the road with a friend that is having maritial troubles. But I know that God has put me here to walk with some people, and I will walk with them and hold their hands and pray with them and for them and I won't be sorry that I am here, even though most days it's depressing and draining.

So, to help me - and anyone else out there who needs it - here are some truths about love. This is taken from our pastor's sermon on compassion this week (I hope he doesn't mind that I'm directly quoting him, but seriously good stuff):

"Whether we feel compassionate or not
we still should act compassionately.
It’s a lot like love and those of you that are married
will know this to be true:
that you are supposed to love
whether you feel it or not.

When it gets to the hard grind of marriage
that’s where you truly learn to love
and you are supposed to love
you are supposed to act in a loving way
whether you feel like it or not.

Because in the end
love is not an emotion that I feel;
love is a commitment that I make.
It is a commitment that I make to consistently act
in the best interests of the other person.
That is love."

(I think some people need to have that tattooed on their hands, sort of like a cheat sheet for life. Or maybe when you get married to have some sort of a tape that you listen to while you sleep, so that stuff really gets in your head while the emotions are high and while it is easy to keep your committment because you don't know all the really bad, ugly parts of your spouse yet.)

Also, last week Stuart and I were talking and he says to me that he wants to wear a ribbon that stands for marriage. He wants to wear a symbol that says to the world that he supports marriage and prays for people who are married, to have a healthy marriage and to stay married and work through the crappy hand that life sometimes deals you. (I'm paraphrasing here - I don't think he used the card analogy, but I like it.) So I've designed a little something. I am unveiling it next week. So, check back next week. Good things to look forward to! (I told you I needed something. It's small, but it helps me.)


Anonymous said...

...also called the wedding ring....

Mary-LUE said...

That was an especially good bit in the sermon, wasn't it?

Can't wait to see what you've come up with.

Mel said...

Excellent words of wisdom in that sermon.

Love and compassion are required in relationships, in my experience. And I don't have to 'feel' loving or compassionate to BE loving and compassionate.
If I'm not BEING loving or compassionate, odds are I'm BEING selfish.
Sometimes I'm really, really good at being selfish.....

alison said...

OK, Lady, Chop Chop! It's almost 2:00 PDST.

Great Post. Feeling it. It takes maturity to make choices beyond and even the opposite of our feelings. I posted again about marriage too, and probably will continue throughout the coming weeks.

What are you thinking, camera wise. I STILL haven't replaced the camera I broke in October. I'm a Canon girl but I just can't decide what model. I wish Paul was a technology nerd...we're both the wrong sort.

Sheila said...

PDST? What's that?

anonymous, the trouble with the wedding ring is the people who remove them and forget the promises that they made. People do that, you know.

Steph said...

Hi Sheila :) It was great seeing you, Stu, Sally, and Sammy this weekend. always is. And thank you for this great post... Andi read it out loud to us when we were over visiting her house in Oakland with Paul. Very insightful words of wisdom... I'll be coming back here again...

alison said...


Um, Pacific Daylight Saving's Time.

Was going to put PST and then got all nerdy and pedantic.

Anonymous said...

you can take off a ribbon too. its a character issue!